Food for Thought

I heard a story once about a little girl whose night time chore it was to feed the dog. She took out a can of dog food which captured the attention of the pet. As she talked to the dog, she carefully placed the unopened can of food into the dog bowl and said, "Here you go, boy. Here is your supper."

Puzzled by what her daughter was doing, the mother watched intently. After encouraging the puppy to eat the supper without the can being opened, the girl finally said, "You know little one, this is a lot like the Bibles that people have one their shelves. If they don't open them up, they can't eat what's inside."

With that, the little girl opened up the food and scooped it into the bowl for the dog to enjoy.

Lord, give us the insatiable desire to consume your Word -- to savor it and to long for more.

"Moving On" Dealing with Hurt Feelings

"Moving On" 

Dealing with Hurt Feelings

Over the past few days we have looked at how Saul reacted to a perceived insult, how David reacted to a real-live insult, and who is insulted today (i.e. anyone).
We have talked about why people are insulted.
We explored some normal responses to hurt feelings.
And we explored some Scripture that showed us how we should respond.
We've even shared a couple of examples of hurt feelings along the way.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could now come up with an algorithm of sorts to help us to know how to respond when insults come or feelings are injured? Here's the closest thing we came up with in Sunday School. See what happens if you walk through these Scriptures in light of your situation.

1. I Peter 5:7  "Cast your cares on Him, because He cares for you."  See Psalm 55:22
   (He loves you more than you can fathom -- yes, He died for you.
   And He wants to carry your burden.)
2. I Peter 2:1-3 "Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation...."
   (Remove the negative, crave the Word, and grow up.)
3. Exodus 14:14  "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
   (Romans 8:31  "And if God is for us, who can be against us?!")
4. Philippians 4:6, 8  "Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
   (Spill your heart out to the Father. Don't leave anything out.)
5. II Timothy 1:7  "For God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and soundness of mind."
   (If God doesn't give us fear, then where does it come from? And who defeated Satan at Calvary? So Claim Jesus' victory and praise God for His strength, love, and clear thinking.)
6. Philippians 4:8  "Finally... whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things."
   (Who is Truth? Who is King? Who is Righteous? Who is Pure? Who is lovely and admirable? Concentrate on Him!)
7. II Corinthians 1:3,4  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
   (Praise the Lord. Give Him the credit for working things out. And help others in the same boat.)

And there you have it -- a prescription for dealing with insults and hurt feelings so that you can move on in peace.

Father, this is all so easily said. Give us the strength to put your Word into action.

 

"But you're my Friend!"

Dealing with Hurt Feelings

Perhaps one of the hardest situations to deal with regarding hurt feelings has to do with the relationship between the offender and the offended -- friends, spouses, father and son, etc.

"If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me, I could hide.
But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend,
with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God,
as we walked about among the worshipers."  Psalm 55:12-14

Read the entire chapter of Psalm 55 and you'll see that not only was David crushed, he was anguished, terrified, and afraid.  Initially, as he poured his heart out to his God, he expressed despair. This assault by his companion had caught him by surprise and he quaked. But as he talked with the Lord about the wickedness of his enemies, he never lost faith. He concluded the chapter with the resolution to trust and depend on his God.

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.  ...but as for me, I trust in you."  Psalm 55:22-23

Lord, sometimes we are baffled, dismayed, and confounded by what our friends do to us. I'm reminded that even YOUR closest friends abandoned YOU when you needed them most.  So you, of all people, understand what we are going through. Thank you. Give us the strength to put our trust in you no matter what.

"Sticks and Stones"

"Sticks and Stones"

Dealing with Hurt Feelings

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

Hogwash!

Why is it that we try to act like words are innocuous when the reality is that they can absolutely crush the spirit?

Even the psalmist said: “My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me....”  Psalm‬ ‭42:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

But, you know what? Insults and hurt feelings can go both ways.  Chances are we are not only victims of harsh words, but we dish them out as well. What if in an act of self-preservation we say something that cuts someone to the bone? What if, after a hard day at work we come home and bite the head off of a family member? Or what if all we heard as children was that we were worthless and good-for-nothing so we continue to tell ourselves that to this day? We need to take a good hard look at our own lives and lay our failures at the feet of the Savior. 

“When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”” John‬ ‭8:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  I John 1:9

Lord, we have focused on how other people hurt us. Help us to be mindful of how we hurt them or even how we hurt ourselves. Forgive us. Thank you for your grace. 

"Andrew Knows" 

Dealing with Hurt Feelings

I hurt "Andrew's" feelings not too long ago at work. I didn't really mean to but I did. What was particularly amazing about this situation was how he handled it. 

One morning, a couple of days after our conversation, Andrew appeared and asked to speak with me privately. He had spent some time in reflection and had come to the following conclusion:
   I had been right to talk to him that day.
   He had deserved the correction I had given him.
   But I had confronted him in front of my co-workers and it had hurt his feelings.

Now Andrew is a pretty conscientious guy. He is kindhearted and level-headed. And he had a good point. I listened to him intently, conceding that I should have chosen a different locale for our conversation. 

After some heartfelt discussion we shook hands -- actually I think I hugged him -- and that was that. Since then there hasn't been any tension between us. I think we're good. 

Andrew showed me how to deal with someone who had hurt his feelings. 

Which leads us into tomorrow's topic . . . .

"Kat Fight"

Dealing with Hurt Feelings

One of my friends -- "Katrina" -- told me this story. 

When she was working at a job many years ago, there was one woman -- "Sandy" -- who was particularly intimidated by her. She made life very difficult on the work front, accusing her of things she had not done, etc. At first, Katrina was hurt by the fabrications but was determined not to give in to the temptation to retaliate. Interestingly, over time, she realized that the other co-workers didn't much like Sandy and hadn't really believed what she had said anyway. But still, the hurt was deep. Why would she try to discredit her like that?

One day, Sandy announced that she was resigning and moving to another business in town. Her two week notice almost gone, Kristina realized that no one was throwing a going away party for Sandy. Convinced that it was the right thing to do, even though she really hadn't gotten over the hurt feelings, Katrina coordinated a nice little party for Sandy. The other co-workers were glad to come and eat snacks and cake, but that was about it. During that party, Sandy realized that it was Katrina who had put it all together. With tears in her eyes, she hugged her and thanked her and acted like she was her best friend. Katrina was -- well -- speechless.

Over the next few years, Katrina's and Sandy's paths crossed a few times. Sandy always treated Katrina like a long-lost friend. They never talked about their differences. No apologies were ever given. But somehow Katrina's unexpected kindness had done the trick.

Did you know that "kill them with kindness" is not Scripture? Even so, it seemed to put to death the ill-feelings in this story. Do you have a "hurt feelings" story that ended well? Feel free to message me if you'd rather keep it private. Or respond below for everyone to see.

Lord, whenever hurt feelings grip us, show us how to respond in a way that would bring you glory.

What Does the Scripture Say We Should Do?

Dealing With Hurt Feelings

• I Peter 3:9  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
• Matthew 5:11  Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
• I Peter 4:14  If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.
• Isaiah 51:7  Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have taken my instruction to heart: Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults.
• I Peter 2:23  When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate: when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
• II Timothy 1:7  God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.
• Matthew 6:14  For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
• Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your pathway straight.

Speaking from experience, it is really hard to do these things listed here. In fact, for ME to do it is impossible! Only by the power of the Holy Spirit can healing come from life's hurts. Only by trusting in HIM can I put one foot in front of the other and walk through the pain. With great consolation I know that I am not alone. For wherever I am, He is.

Lord, help me to submit to your Spirit when someone hurts my feelings. Help me put away the old selfish response and embrace your attitude of peace and love.