The Natural Response

Dealing With Hurt Feelings

What is the natural response to having had your feelings hurt?

After polling a few people with this question, these are some of the responses that I got. 

• It makes me angry. 
• Sometimes I hurt them back. 
• Usually I take it all in and try to push it down. 
• Sometimes I believe what they say. I know I shouldn't, but I do. 
• I usually just get depressed. 
• Forget them. 
• I don't know if this is a coping mechanism or not, but I usually tell my friends how much this person hurt me and get them to take my side. 
• Sometimes I feel like God is doing this to me and I get mad at Him. 

Is there any Biblical basis for these responses?  Here are a few references that I found today.  What do you think? Does the Bible support the above responses?

• James 1:20  Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
• Romans 12:19  Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written (Deut 32:35): "It is mine to avenge: I will repay," says the Lord.  
• Proverbs 22:10  Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.
• The Book of Job  (My summary: Don't listen to those guys. They have no idea what they are talking about!)
• Proverbs 16:28  A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
• I John 4:10  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

So, then, what should our response be when we are hurt by the insults of others?

Tomorrow we'll look at what Scripture says.

Lord, help me not to react impulsively when someone hurts my feelings. Help me not to internalize it. Help me to recognize your love for me in spite of how I might feel.

Why are we insulted?

Dealing with Hurt Feelings

Yesterday we talked about "who" is insulted in today's world (as opposed to during the Old or New Testament). 

Today let's look at "why" we are insulted today.

See what you think about these reasons.  Can you think of any additional ones?

We are insulted or get our feelings hurt:

• because of our faith.
• because we are different.
• because we're perceived as being weak and easily pushed around.
• because we misinterpret what people say or do.
• because we are over-sensitive. 
• because people are unkind or mean-spirited and hurt us on purpose.
• because people honestly don't understand the situation.
• because people are impulsive or impatient.
• because people have been embarrassed and feel the need to retaliate.

Tomorrow we will look at the normal human response to being insulted or hurt. 

Until then, ponder the above list. Are you on there somewhere? 

Who is Likely to be Insulted in Today's World?

Dealing with Hurt Feelings

Before we answer that question, let's look at some Scripture verses for a Biblical perspective.

• Psalm 69:9  “The insults of those who insult you (God) have fallen on me (David).”
• Proverbs 12:16  “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.
• Luke 11:45  One of the experts in the law (Pharisees) answered him, “Teacher, when you say these things, you insult us also.”
• Matthew 5:11  Blessed are you (believers, disciples) when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
• Jeremiah 20:8  Whenever I speak, I cry out proclaiming violence and destruction.  So the word of the Lord has brought me (Jeremiah, a prophet of God) insult and reproach all day long.
• Psalm 41:9  Even my close friend (Absalom? Ahinidab? Judas?) in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me (David, Jesus).
• Isaiah 51:7 Hear me, you who know what is right (moral people), you people who have taken my instruction to heart (believers): Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults.

According to just these few verses, King David, Jeremiah, Jesus, God, foolish people, prudent people, lawkeepers, believers, disciples and moral people are subject to being insulted. I think it is reasonable to add a whole host of other people, but the point is the same.  EVERYBODY is subject to being insulted or having their feelings hurt.  

That may not give you a whole lot of consolation. Or it might be radically freeing. To think that my pain is shared by the Lord gives me great comfort.  I am not alone -- even if no other person around me shares my experience. God knows and He understands. 

Lord, help me to recognize the hurts in my heart and to give them to you. You, alone, can truly understand and can give me peace.

I Samuel 25:1-42

"Death of an Idiot"

Dealing with Hurt Feelings

Have you ever had your feelings hurt?  I mean really hurt?  

My Sunday School class has been looking at the topic of hurt feelings for the past few weeks and we have come up with some interesting ideas about the topic.  

What are some examples of hurt feelings in the Bible?  Who's feelings were hurt and why? What was the response to the offender? 

Then, who gets their feeling hurt today and why? What is the natural response to the offender? What should be the Biblical response?

I've entitled this blog, "Death of an Idiot," based on I Samuel 25:1-42. 

David sent messengers to Nabel (which means fool) requesting supplies. Nabel insulted David and refused to help him. David gathered his men to go kill Nabel (and everybody else) but was stopped by Nabel’s wife, Abigail. She had learned of her husband’s foolish response and had gone out to meet the soon-to-be-king with ample provisions for him and his men. Through her wise words, David realized the error of his knee-jerk reaction and turned back. About 10 days later, the Lord took Nabel’s life –David didn’t have to. 

Back in the day, when the king and his men were in your land, it was your duty to help supply for their needs.  David had protected Nabel's shepherds and had treated them honorably for quite some time before he requested supplies from him.  Based on the traditions of the day, Nabel was really asking for it by refusing to oblige the king.  But he really didn't care.  He held a big party and got big-time drunk.  He was oblivious that his life, the lives of his family and servants, and perhaps even the lives of the nearby city were all hanging in the balance because of his foolishness.  

If you look back at I Samuel 22:6-23, you'll see another king who was insulted -- or at least that is what he thought.  Saul perceived that the priests of Nob had insulted and betrayed him. Although he didn’t actually do it himself, he ordered Doeg to kill all the priests, their families, and all the men, women, children, cattle, donkeys, and sheep of Nob. So maybe that's where David got the idea to go wipe out Nabel and his people.  Seems like overkill to me.

But what's the difference between David's response to Nabel and Saul's response to the priests? Initially there is no difference.  Both men responded with retaliation. When Saul was challenged about killing everybody, he didn't listen to sound advice and murdered them all anyway.  But when David heard what Abigail had to say, he actually listened. And he realized that murder was not the answer. He wasn't sure how God would take care of Nabel, but he knew that He would.  And He did.

So who are the idiots? Nabel, for one, lived up to his name. And he died as a result.

Saul didn't listen to his advisers which sounds pretty foolish to me. Did he die? Yep. Killed himself.

What about us? Are we idiots? 

Well, if I throw insults and intentionally hurt people, then, yes, I am an idiot and deserve the judgement that the Lord will hand me.

And when I am insulted if I yield to the knee-jerk inclination built into my fiber, then that's pretty foolish. So I must die to myself and yield to Christ in me. 

Death of an Idiot.

That's me.

Lord, create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Teach me your ways. Help me to yield to your Spirit and to listen to your wisdom.

Yesterday was my sister's birthday.
There are three of us girls. We were born and raised in the south. Although we hail from North Carolina and claim the dogwood flower as our own, the Magnolia grows all across the south (I've got one in my side yard) and reminds me of who we are. We are beautiful, strong and resilient. We stand tall and confident because we come from good stock (physically and spiritually).

During our birthday brunch I made the decision to drag out this blog I had created years ago under the name, "Magnolia Blossoms,"and actually post something.  I have many questions:

1. Who would want to read my blog?
2. Why would they want to read it?
3. What kind of meaningful information could I post?
4. How often will I compose something?
5. Is this the right platform for a blog?
6. Can my sisters share my blog with me?
7. Who on earth would actually read my blog?

What was so special about this particular birthday and what tied it to the art of blogging?  This was the first birthday we have celebrated since our mother passed away four weeks ago.  Mother had a blog - yes, my 85-year-old mother posted her last blogs in 2015 when she was undergoing chemotherapy for leukemia. I decided that if mother could blog at 84, surely I could do it. (I'm not old enough to freely offer my age quite yet.  Perhaps that will come when I get a little closer to 80!)

So here goes nothing. Stay tuned. 

Happy Birthday! And may there be MANY more!