This is madness.

Friday, March 16, 2018

by Maggie

This week as my Alpha was working on something in the other room, I found a paper of hers that had a bunch of colleges listed on a fancy grid of some kind. As I examined it I saw that She had chosen one school over another until there was only one left in big red letters. I was intrigued by this selection process and started analyzing it further. 

How did She decide which college would move to the next slot? Was it based on names? Colors? There were some little numbers beside each name but that didn’t seem to matter. There was one college of blue devils that was emphatically marked off of her list. I was stumped. I decided to Google these schools and figure it out on my own. And this is what a found. 

• 8 barkers (bulldogs, retrievers, wolves)
• 5 feathered friends (eagles, jays, and a fictitional thing called a hokie)
• 11 mousers (wildcats, panthers, tigers, and cougars)
• 3 growlers (bears)
• 5 hooved creatures (bulls, steers, buffalo, and horses)
• 7 kind of oddball critters (jackrabbits, wolverines, alligators, boars, sheep, and horned frogs) Tell me. How is a horned frog going to be victorious over an eagle or a tiger?
• 1 thing that I have no idea what it is (Crimson Tide) or why it would look like an elephant. 
• 1 weather pattern (hurricane) which I would frankly rather not think about because of what Katrina did to my former home. 
• 2 fruits (orange, buckeye)
• And 24 smoothskins, some of which seem particularly menacing (pirates, cavaliers, raiders. musketeers, and spartans) while others seem fairly innocuous (farmers, boilermakers, Quakers, and tar heels — whatever that is). There are even some native people groups represented (Aztecs, Gaels, and Seminoles).

So once I figured out which critters and smoothskins were up against each other, I could predict who would win. For instance, the jackrabbits would just eat the buckeyes. And the musketeers have a distinct advantage in their weaponry. 

I admit that I couldn’t let any diablo win — blue or otherwise. And I saw the opportunity for the fruit of the orange tree to get back at the devil on behalf of all the world’s apples. 

Who are my final four?

Some western wildcats, the musketeers, the thundering herd, and some southern tigers. 

In the end I think the musketeers will prevail against the wildcats and the thundering herd will trample the tigers. 

I’ve thought about this final confrontation. Although the musketeers will likely cause some of the thundering herd to falter, I don’t think they will be able to stand up to the strength of a herd of mustangs. 

So there you have it. My prediction to end all this madness. The number thirteen seed out of the east will prevail. 

I wouldn’t place any wagers on it if I were you. 

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