Five Love Languages:

Words of Affirmation

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

In what language do you communicate the best? For most of my readers, English is probably your primary language. You were most likely born into a family that showered you with all kinds of words in English and before long you began to understand their meanings and to use them yourself. 

Perhaps that is the way we are with love languages. Dr Gary Chapman proposes that there are five of them:

• words of affirmation
• quality time
• giving/receiving gifts
• acts of service
• physical touch

He says that many newborns are showered with all five of these languages to start with. Then over time children are typically exposed to the language that their families tend to speak most fluently. 

So let's say a little boy grows up primarily getting "things" from his family. Before long that might become his primary way to communicate affection as well. Then let's say there's a little girl who becomes used to hearing words of encouragement from her family. It stands to reason that this might also become her most comfortable way of showing her love. 

Now let's say this boy and girl grow up, meet each other, and start dating. Their relationship is in its infancy so they speak all the love languages to each other, heaping compliments on each other, spending time together, giving sweet little gifts to each other, doing nice things for each other, and enjoying each others' affections. 

Suppose this relationship goes further along and these two get married. After a period of time when the "honeymoon is over," so to speak, both of these people go back to speaking the love language that is primary for them. He brings her flowers. She encourages him in his work. She gets sick of roses and he thinks she just loves him for his money. He might as well be speaking German and she Swahili. They don't understand each other at all. 

So it is with love languages. Couples need to figure out what language their spouse speaks and take a crash course in it. 

Today let's take a minute and look at "words of affirmation." We can imagine what they might be:

• You did a great job today _____ (on the yard, at work, on your project, with the children, balancing the checkbook, etc.). 
• Thank you for _____ (taking such good care of me, helping with the dishes, doing your job so well, reading to me, spending time with my mom, taking me to dinner, listening to me, etc.).
• You are so _____ (wonderful, beautiful, caring, sweet, honorable, funny, smart, helpful, loving, talented, good with the children, etc.).
• You can do this. You're prepared. You're smart. You're ready. I'm behind you all the way. 

Sometimes we think, "He/She knows how much I appreciate him/her."

Really? I don't know many mind-readers. And I'm guessing that if you think this way then you're not a mind-reader either. Otherwise you would know you have to use words to express things like this. 

Let people know how you feel about them. It is really important!

Lord, show us today how we can use words of encouragement with our spouses, family, friends, co-workers or acquaintances. Show us how much YOU need to hear these affirming words, as well. Help us move one step closer to understandable communication of love. 

 

The Five Love Languages: How to Express 

Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate 

by Gary Chapman (1995)

Mr. Chapman says that just like we have fuel tanks in our cars that require gasoline to work, our hearts have love tanks that need to be fueled. The five "love languages" are the fuel: words of affirmation, quality time, gift giving, acts of service, and physical touch.